Arg

 Somebody finally slapped me... so now I have to start posting again. Not much to say at the moment, but I'm sure to have some grand existential ramblings later on no doubt. I feel so alone lately...

Anybody There?

I doubt anybody reads this blog, so here's a prize for those that do. Next time you see me you are allowed to slap me as hard as you want, but must say 'coo coo ca choo bitch' right after so I know you're not just slapping me for fun, and had actually read this.

With the white-hot passion of a thousand burning suns

Another list, things I hate.

1. I hate people standing in the way. Like people that congregate in doorways or hallways.
2. I hate the sound of an alarm clock.
3. I hate people that hurt people, emotionally or physically, for fun.
4. I hate people that let themselves get hurt.
5. I hate hypocrites.

6. I hate people that offhandedly call people hypocrites, just to denounce their beliefs.
7. I hate alcohol.
8. I hate abortion.
9. I hate racism and prejudice.
10. I hate inundated moral codes.
11. I hate people with no moral codes.
12. I hate people who are too prideful.
13. I hate people with no pride.
14. I hate the word hate.
15. I hate the word love.

You get the idea...

You are the cause of all my pain and sadness...

   My mother abandoning me left me more fucked up than most people realize. I became very introverted afterward, and my defense mechanism became more radical. I don't trust anyone, and I expect you to leave me. I cant think of my childhood because she's there, and I get a relentless sadness. Worse yet I don't know if I can trust in love, and the very idea of falling in love brings with it a great fear and seething anger. After all, if a mother's love for her son cant remain untainted, what can?

Dream A Little Dream of Me

   Sometimes when I dream it's so vivid I have convince myself I awake in the morning. Last night started as your typical surrealist affair. I found a hat that made me more attractive to women. Despite what should be expected out of that scenario, there was nothing overtly sexual about the dream. It degraded even further from there. I was wandering around the Meijer parking lot musing about life, and my desire to have things that don't want me. But then things started feeling real. I could feel the wind on my face, and went inside. It was then that I ran into Tess (who she is is of no real consequence as I do not know her anymore). My hat was still on my head, but it's effects held no sway over the beauty before me. We walked around Meijer and talked. We discussed my thoughts about desire, and about the lies we tell ourselves about the people we care for. It was a very melancholy conversation, but for some reason left me feeling satisfied. I awoke, and as stated before I had to convince myself I was in fact awake. It didn't help that I have an unusually high recollection of the dream. Very existential, I must admit.

I Don't Believe In Peter Pan, Frankestein, or Superman.

   I don't believe in many things that aren't quantifiable (except maybe God). As stated in my last post, I do believe in precognition, but I also think looking back at history and the different 'prophets', that it is indeed quantifiable. My views on destiny are that there is no such thing. None-the-less there do seem to be certain factors in my life that pull me toward a certain fate that I don't yet know.

Random Facts - The Embarrassing Edition

Ok, this may get gross and or awkward, so viewer discretion is advised...

1. I cant spell. I use spell check for like every sentence.
2. Sometimes I think I'm clinically depressed, then laugh at the thought. I don't know why.
3. I tell people I'm afraid of spiders, but in reality I'm afraid of insects too. Even ladybugs.
4. (skip it, it's gross) Ever since I was little I have had this thing where I regurgitate food. I usually just spit it out and brush my teeth right away, but in socially awkward situations I swallow it back down. I should probably see a doctor about it.
5. I believe in precognition, but not to an exaggerated extent. I believe prophets of old really did have the ability, and they could use it better because the believed in it. A whole existential thing.
6. I'm a virgin. I want to fall in love, and if that never happens, I'll die one. No compromise.
7. I have an obsessive habit of taking my own picture. It's because I'm afraid of dieing. There's a connection I guess, but I don't know what it is.
8. I have zero tact. If I had tact I wouldn't post this.
9. Sometimes I have to count when I walk. Like 1-2-3 1-2-3. Sometimes I'll catch myself and stop.
10. Not too embarrassing, but I really want to go to Venice. It's like an unbearable desire I've had since childhood, like, there's something in Venice I have to see.
11. Last, and certainly least, I love Hello Kitty. Just so dang adorable.