Anybody There?

I doubt anybody reads this blog, so here's a prize for those that do. Next time you see me you are allowed to slap me as hard as you want, but must say 'coo coo ca choo bitch' right after so I know you're not just slapping me for fun, and had actually read this.

With the white-hot passion of a thousand burning suns

Another list, things I hate.

1. I hate people standing in the way. Like people that congregate in doorways or hallways.
2. I hate the sound of an alarm clock.
3. I hate people that hurt people, emotionally or physically, for fun.
4. I hate people that let themselves get hurt.
5. I hate hypocrites.

6. I hate people that offhandedly call people hypocrites, just to denounce their beliefs.
7. I hate alcohol.
8. I hate abortion.
9. I hate racism and prejudice.
10. I hate inundated moral codes.
11. I hate people with no moral codes.
12. I hate people who are too prideful.
13. I hate people with no pride.
14. I hate the word hate.
15. I hate the word love.

You get the idea...

You are the cause of all my pain and sadness...

   My mother abandoning me left me more fucked up than most people realize. I became very introverted afterward, and my defense mechanism became more radical. I don't trust anyone, and I expect you to leave me. I cant think of my childhood because she's there, and I get a relentless sadness. Worse yet I don't know if I can trust in love, and the very idea of falling in love brings with it a great fear and seething anger. After all, if a mother's love for her son cant remain untainted, what can?

Dream A Little Dream of Me

   Sometimes when I dream it's so vivid I have convince myself I awake in the morning. Last night started as your typical surrealist affair. I found a hat that made me more attractive to women. Despite what should be expected out of that scenario, there was nothing overtly sexual about the dream. It degraded even further from there. I was wandering around the Meijer parking lot musing about life, and my desire to have things that don't want me. But then things started feeling real. I could feel the wind on my face, and went inside. It was then that I ran into Tess (who she is is of no real consequence as I do not know her anymore). My hat was still on my head, but it's effects held no sway over the beauty before me. We walked around Meijer and talked. We discussed my thoughts about desire, and about the lies we tell ourselves about the people we care for. It was a very melancholy conversation, but for some reason left me feeling satisfied. I awoke, and as stated before I had to convince myself I was in fact awake. It didn't help that I have an unusually high recollection of the dream. Very existential, I must admit.